One of the most influential quotes that guides my life is by Byron Katie:
“When I argue with Reality, I only lose 100% of the time.”
There are So many different ways to argue with Reality:
- It should be like ____________.
- It shouldn’t be like _______________.
- It’s not right that _______________.
- It’s not fair that __________________.
- If only he/she/it was _________________, Then I could/would _____________.
It really doesn’t matter How we do it, we lose 100% of the time. Because, when we argue with Reality, we are victims, we are powerless, we are at the effect of the person or event.
Basically, there is no hope, no possibility.
Recently, my husband was traveling for most of six weeks, so I was home alone with our kitties. It was shocking to discover how much of my life not working that I had been blaming on him had nothing at all to do with him.
Even when he wasn’t around staying up until 1 or 2 am as a night owl , I was still challenged to get to get myself to bed by 10 or 11 pm to honor the fact that I am most productive in the morning.
Even when I wasn’t having to prepare meals for him, I was still challenged to eat foods that were right for me and in a timing that best serves my body.
I resolved to myself that when he returned, I was going to experiment with accepting Reality for what it is – Reality. No spending time and energy arguing about how it Should Be, just going with what was so.
He is always going to be a night owl. Do I desire and choose to honor my body, my energy and my rhythm by going to bed on time, Or Not?
He is going to eat, or not, when he does and what he does. Do I desire and choose to honor my own needs and health and well-being by eating what I need to eat, when I am hungry, Or Not?
And perhaps most significantly of all, which one of us gets to say whether or not I am doing my best, I am enough, I deserve acknowledgement, I am loving, I am kind?
Yes, my husband loves me, and I love him. Yes, his opinion is useful information (though not the truth with a capital “T”). Yes, what I say or do does have an effect on him. But, ultimately, I am the only one whose opinion matters.
When I say I am enough, I am.
When I decline to judge myself, then no judgment coming from someone else matters.
When I love myself, I Am lovable.
What about you? Is arguing with Reality wasting your time and draining your spirit like it was mine?
Are you willing to look what is So straight in the eye, and then Choose what your response will be?
You will be surprised at the shift that happens.